Memorial Day Haze

I am sure that someone from the family made the trek to visit the graves back home in Missouri. Whether my grandma went or just my aunts, but about an hour (give or take) is cemeteries were several relatives are buried. For as long as I remember Memorial Day has been a day where grandma and grandpa has gone north to place flowers on graves and visit with relatives. I usually watch the PBS special but missed it this year. Mom and them didn’t cook out-seems they’ve had a cookout or two by now. Memorial Day seemed to pass in a haze.

What I did get done was to finish moving. Now I’m having a sorta panic/sorta surrealistic moment that yes, I’m living with Chris. Sorta freakin’ out, but that’s okay. When we got serious about getting married to the point we started talking dates (still don’t have one) I had a couple of rough days. My single days are over. While there are aspects I don’t miss-the loneliness, not having anybody to do something with, not having someone to talk to-there are things are going to miss. If I wanted Mexican, then I got Mexican for supper. If I wanted just to listen to music and not check out what’s on TV then I listened to music. (Chris can’t sit in the living room without the remote which he will then turn on the TV. Even if I’ve got music going. *Sigh*) My independence is severely compromised. While Chris isn’t controlling there is someone else to consider. Is he hungry (i.e. do I need to fix supper even if I don’t feel like it), tired (maybe we just need to go home and sleep instead of staying out), or whatever. It’s a change alright. One I’m willing to make. However, I got the feeling that there is going to be a few more days where I’m down, cranky, depressed. In a way I’m grieving over my old life-but I think that’s got to be done (the grieving that is) to move on into my new life. It’s not as easy as just letting it all go and moving on. I want to sit and meditate and think about what I’m giving up, and yet at the same time I think about what I’m gaining. Support, love, compassion, friendship, irritation, fustration It will all work out. So no wedding date yet, I have moved in with Chris, and Memorial Day has come and gone. Hope y’all had a great weekend!

Hello Summer

Well, like it or not (and what isn’t to like) here comes summer! Memorial Day is Monday (of course I have to work) and that means a) pools/lakes/water parks open, b) gas prices surely go up, and c) no government services on Monday. My siblings are out of public school all ready. Summer doesn’t mean much to me-I’m hoping to go to the lake some and do some camping. This is the busiest time in the hotel industry with travelers on vacation so in some ways summer just means extra work.

On the plus side is the farmers markets that are open early on Saturday mornings. Fresh ‘matoes, watermelons, mushmelons (cantaloupe, ya know), peaches, strawberries. Yum! I love to cook so I like to set out fresh veggies with supper. I like to keep a basket on the countertop with fresh fruit and vegs (mainly cause anything too cold hurts my teeth). So it reminds me that maybe a tomato or a cucumber sliced would go well with dinner. Or forget the chocolate try a fresh peach. I can manage to eat halfway healthy for about three months. I’ve been drooling over get some fresh green beans and cooking with a little red potato and bacon.

Memorial weekend also means lots of specials and marathons. One of the movie channels, AMC I think, is doing war flicks. Growing up I remember the oldies stations doing their entire catalogs alphabetically by title. Got to hear lots of songs you wouldn’t normally hear. Good stuff. Anyway, work is calling and the computer is driving me nuts. Talk to ya’ll later.

We come, not to mourn our soldiers, but to praise them. Francis A Walker

I know my alphabet!

[A is for age]: 27
[B is for beer of choice] : No thanks, don’t like beer
[C is for career]: Not so much a career as a job I love
[D is for your dog's name]: Nope, no dogs
[E is for your essential daily item]: Chris-a shower, music
[F is for favorite song at the moment]: It ain’t me, babe by Dylan
[G is for favorite games]: Scrabble, rummy, Mozaki blocks
[H is for Hometown]: Green Ridge, Mo
[I is for the instrument you play]: Flute and Sax
[J is for favorite flavor of juice:]: Cranberry
[K is for kids]: Love ‘em, want’em
[L is for last hug?]: Chris
[M is for marriage]: Soon-within a month perhaps
[N is for name of your crush]: Sam Elliott
[O is for overnight hospital stays]: None, thanks
[P is for phobias]: Being broke
[Q is for quote]: Shoot for the moon, at least you’ll land among the stars. Unknown
[R is for biggest regret]: That I don’t have anything to regret
[S is for status]: Engaged, working, unpregnant, very much loved
[T is for time you wake up]: 2 pm, 4 pm, 10 pm. Whenever, as long as I make it to work on time
[U is for underwear]: Yeah, I’m wearing them.
[V is for vegetable you love]: Potatoes, tomatoes
[W is for worst habit]: Chewing my cuticles, procrastinating, stressing out
[X is for x-rays you've had]: Teeth, back, neck
[Y is for yummy food you make]: Meatloaf (actually), some would say anything that comes out of my kitchen is good (people are so easy!)
[Z is for zodiac]: Pisces, although I’m not into the Zodiac.

It’s Friday!

Although I do have one more night to go-sigh. Right now Chris is reading yesterday’s blog since I had to open my big mouth and tell him I blogged about him. I hung up with him once he logged on-for some weird reason I’m incredibly insecure about having the people I write about read “it”. Not much going on so I’ve decided to do something new.

Bookworm
1. What was the last book you read? 1001 movies to see before you die

2. What book(s) are you reading now? State Boys Rebellion.
3. Do you have a library card? Do you use it? All the time-in fact I’ve got it memorized to place holds and have them shipped to the branch nearest my house.
4. How do you choose a new book to read? I’ve got the world’s longest list.
5. We all had to read books in school. Which was your favorite? Your least favorite? Do you think you would feel differently about them if you read them now? Favorite? I think I read too many to come up with just one. Perhaps To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. The least favorite is easy-anything by Dickens-yuck. Probably-see new meaning, symbolism, etc in the work. Also sometimes see how simplistic it is. *Thanks to Five on Friday for the meme.

See y’all tomorrow.

Love and Happiness

Isn’t that an Al Green song? I think so but anyway I came across some love quotes today and thought I would use them (some at least) as a springboard for today.

Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly. (Rose Franklin) I’m very blessed with Chris. He is my best friend, my soul mate, he makes me laugh and he’s wonderful. I know love is blind but I asked God for someone with a sense of humor. The best thing is the passion and love we have in bed can be interrupted for moments of silliness and laughter. The truth is, with very little effort he can at least make me smile. I have laughed more in the past five months (as of tomorrow) than in the past five years. Ain’t love grand?

When I first met you I was afraid to like you, now that I like you I’m afraid to love you, now that I love you I’m afraid to lose you. (Unknown) This is so totally me in the beginning. Chris was our security guard and I just figured I’d never get asked out so I tried to squash those feelings (turns out both of us doubted the other liked the other). Then I admitted I liked Chris but could he really love me back? Turns out yes. However, I’m not afraid of losing Chris-I got a feeling he’s not going to let me lose him.

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. (Carl Jung) Mom has made the comment that I’ve changed a few times here lately. Yes, I can still be incredibly grouchy, moody, irritable, and just plain pain in the ass. But I’m more open to a schedule that changes (before routines and schedules had to be abided by). I don’t have to get 8-10 hours sleep that was so almighty important before Chris. (Okay, prefer that much sleep but have sacrificed to get things done/accomplished.) I can’t speak for Chris, but there have been many changes inside also. I’m learning to lean on someone-it’s so nice to have someone to bounce things off of, to rant to, and basically love me. I’m still struggling with pride on some issues (it’s so hard for me to accept money from him even if I desperately need it) but I’m working on it. Before I would have said that is the way I am and deal with it. Now I’m trying to deal with instead of making everyone else deal.

True love stories never have endings. (Unknown) I love this quote. I have made a commitment to Chris and to us. Come hell or high water, our love story won’t have an ending if I have anything to say about it.

Baby, I love you. I want to say it every minute of every day. I want to give you myself, my time, and my soul. You are my world, my family, my best friend, my soul mate, my lover. It is you that I want for all time forsaking all other. May forever be too short for us. Will all my love, Toaster.

Wonderful Sleep

Didn’t sleep quite as long as normal-but I did sleep. Took a Tylenol PM which usually induces 10 hours of sleep and loopiness once I get up. Today, though, I slept a solid six hours and feel rested. Not to change the subject, but if you have ever visited here before than you’ll know I’ve done some changes. Changed the colors, added some buttons, and generally spent the last few days trying to figure out codes. I like the changes and they were worth the time to figure out how to do the changes.

Not much going on right now. Hotel is sold out (good news) and my laundry is going. Chris is upstairs playing around on the net. Forgot to grab the sheets off the bed before we left the apartment. Maybe tomorrow. No, definitely tomorrow. They need to be washed desperately.

Just in case y’all want to buy me something (but more for me to remember what I want) I’ve got an Amazon wishlist. Three actually, one with CD’s, one with books, one with movies. And if you want ecletric than take a look. The music one has Van Morrison to Pink Floyd, AC/DC to Chet Baker and Miles Davies, Waylon Jennings to Chris Isaac. I know, I need help. Serious help.

I don’t have much to ramble about today. I need to go switch laundry. Then get started on my paperwork. Check on Chris. Y’all have a great day!

The joys of exhaustion

If you asked me how I feel I’d tell you”Tired.” One would think that after my first weekend in maybe a month that I’d feel rested and charged and good to go. Nope. I just want to drag my butt back to bed and sleep. To top it all off I know I’m tired and doing everything I can not to be so cranky, bitchy, and generally crabby. Which only makes it worse. I go to bed feeling tired but I just can’t fall asleep. Then I only sleep four hours or so and then I’m restless. Poor Chris-having to put up with me. I still have furniture to move from the house I’m renting. I’m worried that the idjits at the insurance office isn’t going to transfer my policy to another agent. I’m worried that I’m going to total mess up work because I’m so cranky/tired/bitchy. I’m worried that I’m going to start my period and I’ll be even ickier. I worry that I drive Chris too crazy.

It just gets to a point when you get so tired that the little tricks to get you over the hump don’t work. Treating yourself to a decent meal out. A bubble bath. Maybe some downtime to yourself. Spending time with Chris. All nice but what I really want is deep, dreamless sleep. The kind that has you rolling over and stretching out and looking at the clock saying, “Wow.” I crave sleep that recharges my batteries. Sleep not interrupted by weird dreams, to-do lists, or phones. I need that type of sleep. So why won’t my body just rest? Yeah, I know-stress. If I could just figure out how to quite worrying about things. At least I’ve got the ball rolling on switch agents, got my hair dyed, saw my sister, talked to my other sister on the phone, cook supper, spend quality time with Chris. But my to-do list is still there in front of me-big and red and demanding. I feel like I need to go and do and accomplish. I just need to figure out how to shut my mind down.

It’s Friday!

I finally have a weekend off after several weeks of not having one. My track team is still in house. While they have behaved themselves to a large degree there is still a lot of commotion with them. Not to mention that the coach grates on my nerves. All in all, though, things are going just fine.

Got a question-just how happy are you with work? All in all, do you enjoy going to work, enjoy what you do, and find it satisfying? I’m really worn down right now and a little crankier than normal but I would have to say yes to the above statements. I’m usually early for work (sometimes as much as 20 minutes) but I do enjoy chatting with my co-workers and I try to step in and get them out in time. I love what I do-I love third shift, the audit, the quietness of my shift. Breakfast drives me crazy on occasion but I love a challenge and it does provide that. I’m just wondering here lately if this is why I’m here on planet Earth? To run a hotel audit for the rest of my life doesn’t seem like it’s my final job. I’ve always halfway thought that I would be in ministry. Perhaps there’s a calling on my life. And since I’m wondering maybe God’s trying to tell me something. Perhaps. We’ll see.

Busy night

Usually my nights here at work are quiet. Tonight was the exception with a track team in house. Phone calls out the yin-yang. I feel like I actually worked. Yuck!

On occasion I like to go blog-surfing (if that’s even a word) at Globe of Blogs. I usually pick a state and just look through the different blogs. The ones that draw me are the ones with odd ball jobs, religious personnel (priests, fathers, preachers), and family or mommy blogs. I know, I am odd. Mentioned this to say that I came across a blog called Apostle John that I have been enjoying reading. Sometimes the differences -whether age, sex, religion, nationality even-of writter and reader has no barriers and that which is written can touch some one. He wrote a beautiful blog on prayer that has me pondering if I’m a “God Botherer.” Perhaps-I ask God for directions, the nearest gas station when I’m nearly empty, what to fix for supper when it’s the Thursday before payday. But I also pray for those that are dear to me when I can’t fix their problems. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen asleep praying and yet what better way to drift on than talking to God. I don’t think he minds that He’s the last thing on your mind. In fact, I bet He loves it! I ask God for provision and am learning that just saying, “Hey God, I need $400 bucks” isn’t quite what he wants to hear. I do believe that he wants to know our need and let him solve our problem. “Hey God, need a transmission in the car.” Of course, prayer like this could lead to God leading you to someone who needs to hear about God’s love. I like what St Francis of Assissi has to say: “Preach at all times, use words if necessary.” I think you could insert pray into that sentence and it make just as much sense: Pray at all times, use words if necessary. But be prepared for where that prayer takes you. Pray for petty things and you may just miss out on the glory of God. Pray with an open heart, mind, and spirit. Let God lead not only you, but your life. Amen. Enough preaching for today. Thanks Apostle John for the thought of the day. Bless you Brother.

I’m back

Still trying to figure out what exactly I want to do with this blog. Since I’ve had the urge to start writing/blogging again I guess I’ll give it another shot. Let’s see-I’m still at the same hotel. Chris is settled into his job that he started in January. First of this month Chris moved into another apartment and I moved in with him. We set a date for 28 April 2007. However I don’t think we’ll get close to that. Looks like we may ask our parents to join us for a quick ceremony somewhere. I don’t need/want a big shindig.

I’ve worked a lot of six day weeks with some 10 and 11 day stretches involved. However, we finally got someone hired and I do believe she’s going to work out. So perhaps I can have weekends off. Finally went to the chiropractor as my shoulder was really bothering me. Found out I have two pinched nerves-one in my neck and one in my lower back. It was feeling better but tonight it’s bothering my some.

Chris and I got out yesterday as that was my first day off in eleven days. Went to OKC and the zoo, saw the Memorial and Bricktown. Came back this afternoon after staying the night. A good time was had by all . I’m a little sunburned and sore, but a vacation day was greatly needed and appreciated.

I guess that’s all for today. See ya soon.